We were doing Dancer's Pose, my favorite pose, in hot yoga class a few weeks ago and I kept falling out. It was the strangest thing because normally I can sleep in this pose. But, even as the rest of the class was ready to move on, I planted both feet on the floor, closed my eyes, took a second to re-center, and when I opened my eyes, I had my balance back.
I've been feeling like I've lost my balance in life so I attempted a similar approach and started taking moments to close my eyes. But, it only takes a few seconds of standing/sitting with my eyes shut before I start hearing stuff like:
"Mom, I am going potty!"
"I am done now!"
"I said....I am done now!"
"Mom, can you come wipe my butt??"
"Hayden! I can help you wipe your butt!"
"Mom, Brenna is touching my butt!"
So I took a more exaggerated approach and went to Sedona.
And, here I am, typing in our hotel room. And I promise that I am using this desk:
When we arrived into town, we could not find our intended hiking trail, but I convinced David that we did not need a trail. So, we found parking off the side of the road and descended down some rock.
David was weary of hiking without a trail and it turns out he was right, because after 10 minutes of hiking down and over rock, we were stuck at a creek with no crossing and plenty of little scratches and scrapes to show for it.
So we did what naturally any couple would do it that situation.
We made-out and took selfies.
We also went wine tasting, ate brownie ice cream sundaes, and of course I went running.
Running has always been my go-to version of "closing my eyes." Lately, it has been causing more stress than relieving stress, though. Part of this is because I have not done speed work in....oh.....6 months? It's a tad hard to see myself not running nor feeling like my former self. But I know that if you don't use it, you lose it, and that it just does not magically come back. So being hard on myself does not help, and, if anything, it is ruining the one thing in my life that makes my world a happy place - no matter what.
When I stepped outside my hotel room in Sedona, I tried to also step outside the fact that I wish I was running faster. I found myself seeking out the steepest hills, and running on roads named, "Ridge" and "High View" and "Cloud High." It has been many months since a double-digit run for me and I was hoping to see that "10" on my Garmin when I returned to my hotel at my allocated time....but alas, all the vertical running slowed me down even more, and I was only at 9.87.
But I ran up mountains and saw gorgeous views that were normally reserved for folks like George Cloony (he has a house there, don't think I wasn't searching out of the corner of my eye!) I felt free. I felt like me.
And that is why I run.
One wonderful weekend did not return me completely recovered, rejuvenated, and ready to battle the world. But, I do feel refreshed, re-centered and ready to battle Monday.
I think I have my balance back.