The kids have completed their first two weeks of preschool. They walk inside every day and forget about me instantly. This part is great.
The teacher has reported that they are perfectly behaved. That part is great, too.
But perfection is a tough task and when I pick them up, they release their suppressed energy by refusing to nap, rebellious tantrums and Hayden poops in his underwear.
A good example of this is our post-preschool Cotsco outing earlier this week. Costco has always been our safe haven with their free samples and twin-friendly carts. Our last visit started like all others until we checked out. It was noon so we decided to do lunch. The problem with a weekday lunch at Costco is that every old person in the neighborhood has the same idea.
Hayden insisted on eating pizza AND hotdog. I ordered his man-size meal and we found a seat in the sea of old people. They looked at us.
Hayden dropped his pizza on the floor and his eyes exploded with tears. They looked at us more. I gave him my portion and life was good.
Until Brenna loudly squealed that she had to pee.
With all bifocals on us once again, I tried to convince Hayden to come to the bathroom with us. I even asked the old man next to us to guard his plate.
But Hayden was not going to leave his pizza and hotdog.
Brenna’s temperament began to escalate and I could feel the sweat begin to form alongside my hairline. I toggled between begging Brenna to wait just a few more minutes and encouraging Hayden to shove additional bites of food into his mouth.
Finally, his pizza and hotdog was gone. I put Brenna in the cart. In my haste, I shoved one leg in the correct hole and one leg in the center hole.
This left no room for Hayden and instead left him standing beside the cart, crying, “Up…up…Hayden wants up.”
Brenna was pleased that her improper positioning was upsetting Hayden and refused to let me correct it. So I grabbed Hayden like a football and lugged him to the bathroom.
Brenna knew that getting out of the cart to pee would pacify Hayden - so she refused. After what seemed like an eternity of screaming and no peeing, we fled from the store.
When we got home, I tried to get the still-screaming Brenna to pee but she arched her back in refusal. She ran out of the bathroom and down the hallway. With her undies to her ankles, she opened the front door and went outside.
She wanted me to drive her back to Costco to pee.
She demanded to go to back to Costco to pee.
I said no.
She sat and screamed in dissatisfaction.
She got on all fours and screamed.
And then she got into her “extreme tantrum” position, which involves kicking feet, pounding fists and glass-shattering, eardrum bursting, blood-curdling screams.
And over what??
We both forgot when we were interrupted by Hayden’s cries from inside.
He had pooped in his underwear.