A Year of Reflection

This blog had its 1-year birthday last week!   Happy birthday to us!
This is nice because now I can go back and compare training.  Since I do not keep a log, this is the closest thing I have to gauge my improvements.  And, sometimes concrete evidence is what it takes to remind yourself of your accomplishments in the midst of setbacks.

I say "setbacks" loosely since I am specifically regarding Monday's speedwork.  I didn't felt great from the get-go but forced my paces anyway.  Midway though I had to stop.
I sat down.
I breathed.
And then I re-strategized, replacing some intervals with hill repeats.  I ended up enjoying the variation and at the end, I felt pretty good.

Not that long ago I was telling David that I do my best runs and races when there are no expectations.  When I just go out and run, I embrace with the elements (hills, wind, heat) instead of fighting them.  I forget about watch, instead of monitoring it.  And I run based on how I feel, not how the watch dictates.  I don't look down mid-way through, see a slow pace and start to degrade myself.  Once you dig yourself into that hole, it's very hard to climb out.

The 5K that I am participating in this weekend has a few curve balls that will make this a slow(er) race for me.
1- It's at 2pm. I never run my best after lunch. 
2- There is a massive hill midway through (which I did my repeats on)

So knowing this, I am going to run without my Garmin.  I will not PR.  I will not even break 20.
But this is a good time to pull back away from the numbers and remind myself Why I Run.

This week in general has been a bit stressful since David went away on a business trip.  For the first time in their lifetime, I was alone with the kids.

I was not sure how this would pan out - David plays an essential role in our routine.  He watches them as I cook dinner, he bathes them and at bedtime, we separate them for individual story time.

The first night went great.  We did storytime on Hayden's bed and he willingly transitioned to his crib. After watching me  tuck in Hayden, Brenna giddly ran into her room, requesting the same. 

I was shocked and yet relieved. I felt like super mom. 

On the second night, I decided to pick up the pace -
we did bath.

Each of them had a different reaction to bath time.  Or, perhaps it was a reaction to *me* doing bath time.


I could not keep Brenna in the tub.  I might have managed to clean an arm, a butt cheek and a few strands of hair.

I decided it was not worth pushing through. A key strategy to parenting twin toddlers is to pick your battles.



Hayden did not miss her company. Afterall, he had a cup.


Ultimately, they both made it into bed.

And there was a third night - but I don't have pictures of them soundly sleeping in their cribs - partly because Brenna did not sleep in her crib.

After humoring me for two days, she decided that she was ready for her Dad to return home.  She missed him and she got mad at me for not being him.

After hours of soothing, scolding, pleading and ignoring, I called my Mom.

It's a humbling moment when it comes to this.
It's hard not to ask yourself, what is wrong with me? I cannot even handle my own kids?
Once you dig yourself into that hole, its very hard to climb out.

But I am able to look back at this and this and this and remind myself of the traveled path.  Even though I look back on it with rose colored glasses, the truth is that it has not been all rainbows and unicorns - there has been plenty of rocks and unicorn droppings along the way too.

The bottom line:
It's okay to stop, sit down and re- strategize.
It's okay to take a break.
It's okay to be frustrated.
It's okay that it's hard.  After all, no one ever told me that it was going to be easy.